1. Nobody likes (or wants to help) a victim.
When I was in Cosmetology school, most things that were wrong with my life weren't really my fault. Or, at least this was my way of thinking. It didn't cause too much of an uproar in my life until I found myself in a real pickle a few months into my classes. I was on a day schedule that was not working for me or my job at the time, and I was skipping a lot of my classes. Add the fact that I had partier roommates and never went to bed before 1am, and my attendance was really looking shabby.
I spoke with my school director about switching to part-time night classes, and she looked me dead in the eye and said, "Why should I let you do that?" I explained how everything in my life was out of my control and how I couldn't keep going with this schedule, and a handful of other excuses that I apparently had no control over. Lets just say the conversation didn't go well.
So what did I do? I added her to my list of complaints. I was a victim of my circumstances, and I made sure everybody around me knew about it. Finally, a girl a little older than me got to hear my sad little story and gave it to me straight.
"You are not a victim. You are in charge of your life. Your victim mentality is keeping you where you are at. Own up to your circumstances and realize that it is all your fault, really. Once you change the way you talk about your situation, people will start responding differently."
She was not being mean, just honest. And it was exactly what I needed to hear. I've carried that advice with me ever since and it has helped me on numerous occasions. And in case you are wondering, I met with the director again with a more humble attitude, asked for forgiveness and asked for mercy through my request, and wouldn't you know? I graduated as a part-time attender.
2. Don't downplay your talent. Or, Modesty is NOT sexy.
We all know and love modest people, don't we? People who do great things but wave off recognition or act genuinely shy about it, never boast in themselves or their accomplishments. That actually is a very attractive quality in a social situation, but let me tell you- it does not apply in the workplace!
A few years into my career, I landed a hot job at one of the best salons in my area. I dressed to impress during the interview and wowed her with my professional attitude. However, a few weeks into my training, with the intention of coming across as "humbly eager to learn", I instead unintentionally gave the impression that I didn't really know what I was doing and asked remedial questions that I knew the answer to in hopes that I would make the person teaching me feel special and knowledgable, plus I didn't want her to feel like I was competing or stubborn to learn.
Bad move.
My boss started having our manager give me tasks and assignments to work on which were unnecessary (but I had unintentionally made them feel like I needed it). They started treating me differently and I lost the respect of my boss and some co-workers. Now this isn't to say that their actions were right, because there were errors on their part also. But I learned a REALLY good lesson that being a humble person and letting yourself shine at work are not mutually exclusive, and I had to get over my fear of "coming off this way or that" and really own the fact that I was an expert in my field and worthy of being in my position.
3. Mean bosses can teach you a lot.
I have had three pretty difficult bosses who have helped shaped who I am as an employee and person. At the time it is really hard to see what you are gaining from being treated poorly or unprofessionally, but if you think critically about the situation I can guarantee there are hidden blessings amidst. Here are a few examples of how to see the blessings through the BS:
-You learn not to take things personally, and develop thicker skin.
-You learn how to look at yourself critically.
-You develop an inner sense of strength and get practice guarding your heart.
-You learn tremendous work ethic when someone is constantly riding your a**.
-You get great practice loving your enemies (ha!)
-You develop the ability to rise above your circumstances and learn from them.
-Once the above are embraced, you get really darn good at what you do.
Notice above how I used the words develop and learn multiple times. Mean bosses though they may be, serve a purpose in your journey. In hindsight, I am grateful for my experiences with them that grew me in a positive way, and forgive the rest.
I want to share this all in stride, so stay tuned for the next post!
-Lindsay
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