My fourth child.
I am still wrapping my brain around it. If you've been following me for any length of time, you know that was not in our plans, but as the saying goes, life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.
Life is what happens. Yep, got the memo... literally.
I'm in a good place now. It's kind of cruel in a way that almost immediately upon finding out I was pregnant I got hit with morning sickness. It makes the whole thing just crap. So yea, the first couple months were hard. I was regretful. Why weren't we more careful? What were we thinking? *Barf* Oh my GOSH WE HAVE TO DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN. How am I going to handle four of these tiny humans when half the time I feel like I can't handle three? *Gag* Lord help me.
This was my internal thought process on repeat for about two months straight. Then, ya know, it got easier. We started telling our friends and family and they were excited and encouraging. That always helps. I started working on breaking my destructive and depressing thought cycle and instead starting envisioning my life with four kids. They are only young for a few extremely exhausting and sanity melting years, but then you have four kids for the rest of your life, right? Four kids to raise up, four life companions, a full table at Christmas and a full van on the way to see movies. Sorry kids, if ya'll want a vacation with your friends we're gonna have to carpool. My family will take up an entire minivan, minus one seat. Lawd.
It's easier now that I'm getting more excited, but I'm ready for the baby to just be here now. I'm so over pregnancy. I'm over feeling weak, the sore body, the fatigue, the waddling, and er... other side effects. I'm ready to have my body back and *trying not to remind myself that I had only just gotten it back when I stopped nursing Gabriel approximately two weeks before I became pregnant again* workout and feel strong again. I'm also ready to not be the weak and lame mom who is either hobbling along with a huge belly or whipping her boob out in random public places while forced to sit for 30-45 minutes at a time every 3 hours.
These years go fast, remember? Oh yea. This is the point where I remind myself to just breathe. If the Lord wills I have a long life, these years will be fleeting. And if he doesn't, there's no more honorable or meaningful or purposeful life stage than the one I'm in right now.
All is well.
