Taking the Driver's Seat

This summer, life threw me a curveball.

All is and will be okay, and the details of it all are too personal to share here, but I will say that some of the most humbling and trying times of my life have taken place these last couple months. I’ve been tested to my core and decided very early on in this journey that I would choose truth and to let my situation grow me instead of giving it the power to harden me. That’s such an easy thing to say you should do when you’re not the one living it out, you know? It’s so very hard to choose truth when everything in you wants to give in to a victim mentality. At the same time, it’s incredibly freeing to claim the driver’s seat and steer toward the path that leads to truth, to growth, to surrender, to empathy, to love.

I’ve learned that things people do or say only mean what you make them mean.

I’ve learned that it hurts way less to try to understand somebody in love, even through anger, than it does to shut them out because of that anger.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel my feelings and not try to numb them with food or other dopamine-inducing distractions.

I’ve learned that taking care of my body mentally and physically makes a world of difference in how I interface with all the things in life.

I’ve learned that you never know the whole story of someone’s life while watching them through a metaphorical window (social media, acquaintances, etc). Everyone, and I mean everyone has their own baggage.

I’ve learned that I have so much more power than I’ve ever given myself credit for, including the power to change how I feel about something or someone by changing the way I think about it/them. In other words, my thoughts create my feelings. Sounds simple, right? It is, in theory. Actually doing it is a beast. But I, and you, have that power!

I’ve learned that I care so much more than I ever thought I did about the empowerment of women and how important it is that we are able to be what we want and need to be regardless of life’s circumstances.

Gosh, so many more things could be added to this list but for now I’ll just say this: I want to stretch and grow with the life God has blessed me with.

Life is a crazy, wild and beautiful dance and I want to keep in step.

xo, Lindsay

Tonight.

Zach came home upset from his dad's tonight.

He misses his dad. He doesn't want summer to end. He's nervous about school. He has focusing issues and gets bored. He doesn't want to fail.

I sat on the bed with him in our newly vacant guest room, which he has declared as in own personal space (I'm more than ok with that). I wanted to encourage his heart, so I told him that all he has to do is try, and whether or not he fails doesn't matter. I told him he's a great kid and will be a great man someday, and a lot of great people fail at some things because that's part of life. I told him Albert Einstein's teachers told him he was dumb. I sympathized with his sadness over summer ending. We've been talking recently about how there's a time for everything (based out of Ecclesiastes)- for things to start and to end, for happiness and sadness, for fun and for boredom. Kids love opposites- Zach could go all day with ideas of "a time for this and a time for that". I know it's good for him that I was there talking with him and encouraging him, but I could tell he needed more.

I heard or read somewhere once that girls bond face-to-face and boys bond side by side. That makes sense- girls through communication and boys through action. I'm generalizing here, of course. So I put the younger boys to bed and around 8:45 I said to Zach, "Buddy, want to go for a bike ride?" You should have seen his face light up!

So we hopped on our bikes and rode around the neighborhood and I let him lead. We peddled up hills and coasted down hills and whipped through the fresh summer air as the sun was setting. We stopped by the river and I showed him the spot I ride to sometimes when I need to get away from all the noise at home. The sky was a darkening cotton candy blend of pink, blue and purple. I told Zach it made me think of the Psalms and how David was often enthralled with God's beauty, and so am I. Then I thought of Sally Clarkson and how she always encourages parents to talk about God "when you rise up and when you walk by the way" and in that moment by the river I felt peace that at least in that moment I was doing something right as a parent. I can feel so spread thin these days with four kids and one of me that I struggle with guilt often (I'm working on that, by the way). This was a nice break from that.

We arrived home by the time it was dark enough to not see the road very well. We came inside and Zach declared that he was old enough and brave enough to sleep downstairs in the guest room by himself (all of our other bedrooms are upstairs). I honestly didn't think he would do it, but he did! I'm so proud of him. As I tucked him in to bed, I could tell he was doing so much better. I think the bike ride really helped. I leaned down to kiss him on his forehead, and he didn't wipe it away. I'm tearing up as I write this because that's the first time in years he's done that. He's been wiping away my kisses since he was 3. I'm just gross I guess. :D But tonight was different, and he let it stay. I can't really describe how grateful that made me feel. I love my boy and I'm so honored that God gave me the privilege of raising such an amazing kid and that He walks with me through it.

Tonight was great and I want to remember it forever.

A Change.

It's 10:20pm. I've been up since 5am. Isaiah likes to get up around that time daily now, and by the time he gets back down the older boys are up. I would be sleeping right now, except Dave took Julian to the ER (because everywhere else was closed) because he's suspect for strep...again. What mom can sleep before she tucks her sick baby into bed? Not me. So up I wait.

I thought I'd use this time to write my thoughts about a kind of big life decision I recently made. Maybe it won't seem like much to some people, but it is to me.

I've decided to live gluten and dairy free.

Now I'm not going to be asking about cross-contamination at restaurants and I'm not going to freak out if they accidentally put whip on my almond milk latte- but for the most part, this is me now. And here's why.

I suffer from frequent migraines, psoriasis, acne, anxiety, and restless sleep. I don't need to go into details about any of that as I feel it's pretty self-explanatory. The worst by far are the migraines, so about a month ago when I got 3 in one week I said *enough* and made the decision.

It's going really well so far! It's only been 3 or so weeks, but I can already tell a difference. My migraines have eased immensely, my psoriasis has calmed, my face is clear, I've been sleeping well and I'm much less anxious. I've also been using magnesium oil spray before bed as I heard that can help with migraines, and it's greatly improved the quality of my sleep. I also feel less bloated and my clothes are fitting me much better (a big deal for this postpartum mama!).

I decided to eliminate gluten and dairy because my functional medicine doctor has recommended in the past that I do so, simply because with my symptoms I obviously have inflammation in my body and those are known inflammatory foods. It's simple really. I'm also choosing to eat much less processed food in general and have been making my own nut milks and butters, as well as salad dressing and ghee. It's actually kind of fun! Add to that I've been exercising and I've just been feeling all around better.

One of my best friends, Erika, adopted this lifestyle about a year and a half ago now and has seen tremendous results. She's been a huge inspiration and motivates me to do my best with all this. I love that I have someone to talk to about it who's gone before me and is well established in this way of living, it makes it so much easier.

I look forward to what's in store on this journey (especially once I start adopting parts of this lifestyle to my boy's diets!).

Until next time,

Lindsay

Spring is here!

It's nearing the end of April and I'm so excited for spring and the warmer weather that has finally arrived. Winter clung to us with an extra strong grip his year and it wasn't easy. This season of life with little kids in the house makes not being able to go outside regularly all the more insanity inducing. Next year my sweet Isaiah will be 1 during winter and darn it all we'll be out in that flipping snow. We are also planning on going on at least 2 vacations to warm places next year... and hopefully each year after for as long as we're able. Winter in Michigan is simply too long. 

That being said, I'm now moving on because it's ALMOST MAY. Heidi's donuts and lilac blooms and walks with my boys... ahh. I opened all the windows in the house today and it still smells of outside upstairs even though I closed them a few hours ago. As I was sweeping out my mudroom earlier I thought to myself, spring is my favorite season. I don't know if that's truly true, or if I am just a little happier than normal of it's arrival. Either way, spring is new life and I'm enjoying it. We have lilac bushes right outside our kitchen window and when it's open the beautiful floral scent fills half of the house and it's simply delightful. At least, I imagine it is. Last year was our first year in the house and my morning sickness hit at the exact time the lilacs bloomed. It was horrible actually. I was still getting used to the house and our "smell" hadn't permeated it's walls yet. You know, how each family kind of has their own smell? Yea, the house still smelled old and foreign, so combine that with cooking food and strong lilac and you can imagine how barfy I was feeling last spring. But I digress.

Today I gave Julian and Gabriel popsicles and they enjoyed them sitting on the porch in the warm breeze. My boys love it outside. Isaiah was a little fussy so I moved him outside too and he calmed right down. We blew bubbles for a bit and then came back inside to tidy up our back room that just got remodeled with fresh paint and new carpet. I'm feeling so blessed right now!

Some goals Dave and I have for this summer are to find fun things to do as a family, things that the kids will enjoy that we will also enjoy. Let's face it, it's so not easy when kids are little! We have the added challenge of our children's ages being spread apart so they are into different things and that can make finding family activities a little complicated. Dave and I also want to find a little more adventure with just each other, because it really is hard to stay excited about cleaning the house, earning a paycheck and going through the monotonous routines children need day in and day out. We really do love it and know we're blessed, but we want more adventure outside the house with each other. So this is what we've come up with so far:

Kayaking
Bike riding with trailers hitched to the back
Family walks and hikes
Barnes and Noble/ bookstores
Parks that are safe where small kids don't need constant intervention
Hotel overnights
New restaurants
More friends over
In-state travel (and out-of-state travel this coming winter because, snow)
And we're working on more ideas!

We are open to any and all ideas, so if you have any of your own drop a comment!

Happy Spring!

Lindsay

Time Management for Creative Moms

Managing my time well is one of those things that takes some work up front but makes life loads easier in the long run. I know a lot of people, including myself, can fall into the trap of wanting instant satisfaction. A lot of the time that looks like procrastination and giving in to whatever sounds good in the moment. It's a romantic idea to imagine being "free" from a schedule.

In reality, I've found that having a schedule of sorts is actually more freeing. It frees you from the trap of indecisiveness and a messy, disorganized home. When you plan your days, it dismisses your brain from having to make decisions in the moment and assures you'll stay on top of your responsibilities as long as you actually do what you've planned.

So my simple answer to managing time well? Effective planning! There are SO many different types of planners and printables out there for busy moms. One search on Pinterest will yield an overwhelming amount of options. There's also Target, Amazon, Etsy, and more. There are pretty designs and layouts for all types of binders, notebooks and printables. Just make sure that the kind you choose suits your needs well. I suggest trying out a few and pick the best one and stick with it.

Being a wife and mom of four boys with a home to manage, business to run and hobbies and interests to pursue (including this blog), I need a planner that can accommodate all those roles in a simple way. I like a clean design, not too minimal and not too visually cluttered. In other words, I want my planner to do some of the thinking for me in the simplest way possible. I was so happy to find the printables that I currently use (pictured in this post)! I've tried a lot of different kinds and these have suited me the best. (Sadly, these specific ones are no longer available but if you'd like to try them let me know via email and I'll send you a copy. Or you could always make your own version in Photoshop or Pages.)

Because I absolutely love seeing how other people use their planners, I thought I would show you my system and what works for me. Being a creative and busy mama can leave me scattered if I don't plan, but if my planning routine is too complex I'll end up overwhelmed and stop using it. So I've developed a process that's simple but includes everything I need. I use three sheets for planning- a daily plan, a cleaning plan, and a meal plan (done once a week).

The cleaning plan is fixed and is mainly for household duties as they are the bulk of my work throughout the day. First I wrote down everything that needs to be done around the house, categorized them into groups and assigned them to days. That's my cleaning plan, and it doesn't change unless we enter into a season where something doesn't work anymore.

I meal plan once a week, so I have a new sheet each week. I use this meal plan from Just A Girl and Her Blog. (It is password protected so if you want to download it you need to join her email list, which I would definitely recommend doing!) I write down every breakfast, lunch and dinner, along with snack ideas. Sometimes I stray, if I feel like making something different I do, but I always have ingredients for what's planned so I'm never stuck with the "what to do for dinner" question.

My daily plan gets filled out the night before, that way I have it ready to go when I wake up. First I check my calendar on my phone- my husband and I share it so we always know what the other has going on. I just peek at the week and if there's anything scheduled (appointments, etc.) for the following day I write it down in my time block area (labeled "schedule"). Then I peak at my cleaning plan sheet for the next day and write those down in my chores area, as well as meals from my meal plan sheet. The areas left are to-do's, notes and inspiration. These specific sections work well for the way I think- some days I use them, some days I leave them blank.

When all that is done I go back to my time block area and fill it out. This part is so important. It's where rubber meets the road and you actually write down when you're going to do everything. I consider my life priorities (God, husband, children, home, etc.) and time block accordingly. This is also a crucial step because it ensures that the most important people and tasks get taken care of. I don't like planning things in a super detailed way, so time blocking works really well when I go by the hour. Most days follow a similar rhythm, blocked in one or two hour segments, and it looks something like this:

-Breakfast time and cleanup.

-Focus time with boys (early morning)

-Chores (late morning)

-Lunch and cleanup

-Quiet time/ naps 

I always block at least two hours in the afternoon for quiet time, usually right after lunch. This gives me time to rest and recharge or tackle extra chores or creative projects. This block of time is my favorite because I really just do whatever I want to do- I don't plan out my quiet time. It's like an adult free-play. It's honestly sanity saving for me and I highly recommend all moms do it!

-Snack after quiet time

-Pick up my oldest from school

-Focus time with boys

-Dinner prep

-Dinner

-Homework

-Baths & bed

-Relaxing time with Dave
and my creative time

That is the norm for us, but of course there are days we stray and that's fine! Once the foundation of planning and rhythms are strong, straying here and there doesn't take us off track. There are days for bible study, mom groups, get togethers, extra curriculars for the boys, lots of outside play, library trips, running errands, etc. Each season looks a little different. For example, in the summer we go outside more and for longer periods of time than in the winter. Effective planning allows for the ebb and flow of different seasons. You will be a good steward of your time as long as you put to practice these elements of planning:

1. Plan around priorities

2. Use time blocking

3. Use the right planning tool

Doing these three things helps me have much more time to do the things I need and want to do in life. The biggest thing it helps with is staying on top of the house which is huge for us homemakers with creative hearts! I don't know about you but when my home is messy and chaotic it completely drains my energy. Ain't nobody got time for that! Planning this way helps me take care of my family and home while also being able to do the things I want in life, like photography, blogging, reading, writing and much more. 

Do you have any specific tips for time management or planning? If so leave a comment and let me know!

"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." -Annie Dillard

-Lindsay

Why Am I Blogging?

I'm blogging because it's my way of showing up in the world. I write because I enjoy it, not because I need people to read it. I need to write it. I have a voice and it feels good to use it, even if nobody hears. Kind of how I like dancing even when I'm alone, especially when I'm alone. It's a form of creative expression- it doesn't need to be witnessed, it just needs to come out.

Who says I need to make money from a blog to spend money on it? Not a lot, but enough to buy a custom domain and pretty design. A beautiful blog makes me happy! Plenty of people spend money on their hobbies, even when they don't earn a dime. Why should it look nice if it's not making money? Because I want it to look nice. Isn't that enough? I think so.

Why do I write on a blog when I can write in a journal? If I don't need people to hear it, why bother posting publicly where anyone can read it? Because I'm hoping they do. I don't need them to, but I hope they do. Because the only thing that can one-up expressing creativity is sharing that creativity. Dancing with someone is infinitely better than dancing alone. Collaborating on a project is so much more fun than doing it alone. And sharing my thoughts is much more satisfying than keeping them to myself.

I write for myself. I don't need you to read it. But I hope you do.

"Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up." -Brene Brown

Mainstay

I don't think I've ever written about Kelly, and I'm not sure why.

Kelly is my best friend from childhood. We grew up together. It was actually more like a sisterhood since my mom watched her every day after school. She was a grade behind me but she was like my older sister, always watching out for me and scolding me when I was out of line. Kelly was always the mature one, who held down jobs for years (even in high school) and got great grades. More than anything, she was the one person who I knew would always love me. We were in the same group of friends, and no matter what drama ensued (high school girls, you know), Kelly and I were always close.

So why did I pick tonight to randomly tell you about her? Because I just watched the movie Lady Bird. You guys, it's so good. There's nothing directly special about it, except that it depicts the ordinary coming of age experience of a woman very accurately. It's gloriously nostalgic and humorous. There is a scene where the main girl and her best friend are at prom together and it made me think of Kelly and I at my last prom- she was a junior and I was a senior. We had been to so many dances together and at the end she looked at me and said "this is it... our last song of our last dance..." and we both started bawling. Such great memories. There are so, so many. Happy ones, sad ones, exciting ones, dull ones, hilarious ones, scary ones, angry ones... are there any other emotions? We've been friends for twenty-two years- through the beginning of periods, boyfriends, mutual friendships, engagements, marriages, children, spiritual awakenings, divorce, breakups, and just... life. We've been through a lot of life together. And this is what I think: not everybody has a friendship like that.

My friendship with Kelly has helped mold the person I am today. In her I have what, in some ineffable way, is a special kind of sister, but different. She has always been there, and will always be there. She knows me deeply and loves me despite my flaws and the embarrassing things she knows about me. I am at ease with her no matter the distance, time or personal change that's taken place. And it's all by choice- we weren't born into the same family and yet, we are family.

Kelly's baby shower.

My wedding.

Meeting her daughter, Grace, for the first time.

Awkward high school dance. :D

Our babies. #arrangedmarriage

This most recent picture was taken last October at a writing conference we attended together. Such an amazing time!

We've been friends for so long and it's always been so natural and normal that in everyday life I don't give it much thought- it just is what it's always been. But when I pull back and look at the big picture of my life, our friendship is like a visible road on a map, a main highway that stays labeled no matter how far you zoom out and is connected to all the vital roads. It's a mainstay.

My friendship with Kelly is one of the great elements of the story that is my life. I'm so grateful for her!